Plans Go Funny

How does that saying go? You know, the one about plans and God. “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” Did you know that Woody Allen came up with this quote? I didn't. While doing a google search, I learned that he penned this quote Makes me go--hmmmmmmmmmmm. I had great plans for the past two weeks, but I didn't get as much done as I had hoped. Woody being a writer/actor/director must have given him insight into the whole plan thing. 

I also planned great things for this semester. But a voice mail from a guy I didn't know is probably going to put a crinkle in my plans. I fear plans are (once again) going astray. I was offered another teaching job. And I accepted. So we can add this new job to the three jobs I already have. Dissertation time was already hard to find.

Let's make a check list of my jobs:

• Full-time (mostly) online writing coordinator and advisor for UMUC's Effective Writing Center.
•  Part-time e-structor for SMARTHINKING.com
•  ESL instructor for refugees and asylees 3 mornings per week.
•  ESL instructor for Latino coummunity 2 nights per week.

It's good to make a list. Helps me remember what's what. One of these days I just know I will show up at the wrong place on the wrong day.

What? This isn't high intermediate? Oh, you are Intermediate Beginning students? Opps. Ah, OK, well class is canceled then. :)

Zoe left me some good tips in my previous blog posting. I like her ideas for approaching my massive dissertation project. Here's what she said:

One thing to consider is breaking down these plans even further. For example, for sorting your PhD computer files, do it by task or time. You could decide that for one hour each day this week you will sort the files. Make an appt with yourself to do so, just as you make an appt for everything else - gym, Mass, work, etc. Put it in whatever schedule/to-do list/calender you keep. Treat it as an appt with an allotted amount of time. Do the same with other tasks - give them timelines, deadlines, and break them down into more bite-size pieces where possible.



Since she is by trade a life coach I take her tips seriously. For those of you who like what she had to say check out her site: The Integrated Woman Zoe is full of helpful tips for the woman who is juggling life.

Anyway, I did what she said. I broke some projects up into small tasks.

• I went through my laptop's favorites lists and catalogued all those I saved over the last few years that relate to my research.
• I cleaned out my laptop.
• I looked over a classmate's webpage regarding his dissertation.
• I got my IUP VPN working so now I can connect to research sites, journals, and libraries.
• I paid my tuition bill. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

Even though I feel like I did not accomplish much, these little things were monumental steps in the right direction. The first step is always the hardest.

All great masters are chiefly distinguished by the power of adding a second, a third, and perhaps a fourth step in a continuous line. Many a man had taken the first step. With every additional step you enhance immensely the value of your first.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think I'm on my way. But it just might be a very slow ride this semester. I asked God for some work to pay the rent. He made me wait a long time for my answer, but when He answered He gave me more than I hoped for. God is funny that way. I now have 4 jobs and less time. AHHHHH.  I can't say I'm surprised. It seems to be pattern in my life. I'm glad God is funny because I laugh at Him all the time.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me. - Robert Frost

Let's see. What else has happened since my last blog. Oh, Howard, my homeless guy finally reappeared on the corner. He saw me coming a block away and started waving. He also bowed respectfully yet dramtically to me. He has never bowed to me before. Our relationship is deepening. :) I asked him, "Howard, where have ya' been?" He said, "I had to go home. And I'll be gone again for awhile soon. A family member passed." I said, "Oh, I'm sorry. A brother or a sister?" He said, "Like a sister, My mother raised others too." I said, "Your mother was a good mother." He smiled real big and said, "Yeah, she was." Hmmmmm. Makes you wonder. I need to bring Howard some cookies this week.

I'll leave you with this quote. It makes me feel better when I let fear distract me:

Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.

Pope John XXIII

Until next blog,

Peace,

MAM :)

Labor Day Pains--Such is Life

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...ok, today is the first day of my dissertating life.(I am not counting the past year and half of reading and thinking about it as the actual process). My dissertaton life that started today is what I consider the grunt work of dissertating. PhD Labor Pains. I have to now somehow make a plan and set goals. Where do I want to be by Christmas time? What do I want to accomplish by the end of this semester? I had high hopes this morning of having gone through my computer files by the end of the day. I wanted to organize PhD related items I have saved. I have failed miserly at this simple task. It seems I can't find some crucial files. Such is life in a computerized world.


So here I lay in my bed with my laptop. I'm feeling somewhat defeated. It is 9:50 pm. I was up at 7am. At work by 8:30--taught 3 hours of English to a class of ESL students who are at various levels of low intermediate English. Was home by noon--walked to the 12:10 mass. I find mass a necessity in maintaining my sanity. Some people meditate, some people chant, some people invoke Buddha, some people pray to Allah, some light insense. I like to go to daily mass when I can. It helps keep me centered and gives me the strength to survive my solitary life in this wacky world. I talked to the security guard outside church. Yes, I did say security guard. That probably surprises and stuns some of you. But I live in Baltimore city, which tends to bounce back and forth between number 4 and 2 on the country's most dangerous cities list. Just makes life more interesting. :) Since the guard is not always there, whenever I do see him, I know crime has escalated. I asked him, "Where is Howard? Did you scare Howard away?" Howard is my homeless friend who hangs outside the church. He was missing today and another day this past week. I make him cookies. He loves them even though he has to gum them. You see Howard has very few teeth. Howard is a lovable mess who wreaks of alcohol at least 3x a week. Howard is a very big black man with lovely dark soulful eyes and a big heart to match. He towers over me. He calls me baby and sweetie and sweeheart. He makes me smile. I worry about Howard. I miss him when he is not sitting on his usual perch (the rectory steps) or leaning against his usual pole (the No Parking sign). When he sees me coming a block away he starts waving his big floppy hands excitedly. I wave back. Howard seems to disappear whenever the guard comes around. But the guard told me that he is also friends with Howard. He talked to him earlier and also saw him across the street earlier eating some food. But even though they are buddies I still think Howard vanishes on purpose when the guard comes around. Howard never misses a day hanging outside the church unless he is sick. You see it's a good collecting spot for Howard. The other parishoners don't seem to like baking cookies so they give Howard money. But Howard becomes a ghost when the security guard visits. Even though the guard is nice to Howard, Howard is intimitated by the guard. Poor Howard. Such is life the big bad city.


I was home by 1pm. Time for lunch. I called my best friend telling myself I would only talk to her for 10 or 15 minutes. An hour later I was still on the phone discussing the woes and wonders of our worlds. Such is life in the long distance friendship world.


I was now an hour and a half behind my normal daily schedule. Off to the health club I went. I decided to go for a swim. This also is a necessity-- a doctor imposed necessity for my bad back. I was the only one in the pool. Bliss! My own private pool. Feeling refreshed I was on my way home to sort out files. At least that was the plan until my 23 year old friend who works the front desk wanted to talk. So talk we did about the woes of having to suffer ditzy females who seem to be populating at an alarming rate. Where do they come from? We did this until 5pm. Such is life in the health club world.


Dinnertime. I decided to follow Clara the Depression Chef's advice and make peppers and eggs. Check out 93 year old Clara's blog-- http://depressioncooking.blogspot.com/ Very frugal. I like frugality. I watched the movie Anastasia starring Ingrid Bergman while I ate. It skipped continuosly and annoyed me. I did the dishes and and made a fruit salad. Another phone call came in long distance. Next thing I knew it was 9pm and I was searching my computer thinking I will now sort my PhD files. Well, here I lie, it is now 10:45 pm and no files, no sorting. I need a plan. Such is life in the planless world.


I hate planning. I never plan. I learned a long time ago that when I plan something else happens. Ugh. But I really do think I need a "casual" plan and an outline for this semester. It will go something like this:


1. Sort Phd computer files.
2. Sort through huge box filled with Phd papers, notebooks and notes.
3. Reread notes and highlighted book passages that I have read over the last three years and have forgotten.
4. Compile list and sort through people I would like to include in my dissertation.
5.Read published dissertations that pertain to my topic.
6. Write proposal.
7. Plan and do whatever it takes to start the main writing process in January.


The actual writing process doesn't scare me. Once I start writing it will flow and I will end up writing too much. It's the figuring out how to go about it that sends me into brain limbo. I know I will feel much better when I sort all my files and organize my notes. I will also feel better when I reread all my papers and notebooks. This will get me into academia mode again. I also know that reading published dissertations will be a tremendous help. Once I see what others have done I will feel that I can proceed with my own writing.


Oh, and did I say that this will all be done while working three jobs, maintaining friendships (long and short distance), maintaining my health, and worrying about Howard. Such is life in MAM's dissertating world.


Not to self: Maybe I should dump all friends except Howard. I talk too much. Less talking and more researching is needed. But dumping friends is not a good move. When the paper is all crinkled, and the pen is all out of ink, and the printer is all out of paper, my friends and Howard will be the only ones who really care anyway. So the friends will stay. :)


Peace, MAM, who is so tired she can't be bothered checking this post's spelling.

The Mystery of Peak Productivity-- The Energizer Dissertator

Hmmm, a close friend named Fab sent me this link today. http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php?f=1219   Considering I have known this friend since we have been 7 years old, I wonder if she is trying to tell me something. After all, she might know me better than I know myself. Hmmmm. The cartoon shows that peak productivity for a PhD student is around 2am. This is very scary to me since I suffer insmonia if I go off my normal sleeping schedule. So there will be no 2am researching/writing sessions for me. And since I'm a long term thinker I know that in the long run 2am writing spasms will kill me. And I really do need to be breathing in order to dissertate. So no 2am productive moments for me.


I think this cartoon represents procrastination. And procrastination for me is really a disguise for all out fear with a capital F! What is interesting is that I have never had a procrastination problem until now. But you know what, I am not going to think about this today. Maybe I'll think about it next week, or the week after. What I will think about is how I know that I am being too hard on myself. I had good reason for waiting until now to start the dissertation process. This past year was full of emotional upheavel that left me feeling blank in the mind, heart, soul, and body. I am now ressurecting myself. The skip has crept back into my step. I actually have moments when I visualize the Engergizer Bunny sitting at a desk dissertating. "I am MAM the Energizer Dissertator!" "I am MAM the Energizer Dissertator!" "I am MAM the Energizer Dissertator!" Everyone, repeat after me, "She is MAM the Energizer Dissertator!"


I have 4 years left to complete this dissertation. One thing I have is patience. If I spent eight years off my feet recovering from my car accident and did not lose my mind, then these dissertating blues will not wear me down. I am strong. I am woman. Hear me roar! Oh my, does anyone else remember that Helen Reddy song? I can feel myself sitting in my bedroom looking at that bright blue LP cover, and singing along with Helen-- "I am woman. Hear me Roar". Fab was probably with me. This now brings upon me another worry. If I can so vividly recall that song's impact on my young life, (and the color of the LP cover) I'm too OLD to be dissertating. Pre-menopausal women should not even be allowed to dissertate. What is wrong with IUP that they let a pre-menopausal woman into their program? Don't they know I cannot remember stuff? Crucial stuff like authors names, page numbers, and where I last left my laptop? UGH. This is all so wrong. But enough of this jabberwocky. I'll think about it later.

Peace, MAM :)